


I Love You, Forever and Forevermore

by qianflower



Series: My Ending is Our Beginning [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Funeral, Goodbyes, Human!Seungcheol, Sad, Vampire!Joshua, Vampires, i wish there was a happy ending but there's not, inspired by don't listen in secret by seventeen, major character death kind of??, specifically the vampire performance, this is my first svt fic be nice pls, vampire!jeonghan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:20:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qianflower/pseuds/qianflower
Summary: Jeonghan will always remember the way the boy's face fell at the realization that Jeonghan wouldn't let them spend forever together. He had screamed that it wasn't Jeonghan's position to make decisions for him. He claimed he understood what he would be getting himself into, but Jeonghan knew he didn't. Jeonghan still doesn't know, and it has been eight hundred years since he was alive.Or where Jeonghan, a vampire, falls in love with Seungcheol, a human, and has to let him go.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: My Ending is Our Beginning [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876246
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	I Love You, Forever and Forevermore

**Author's Note:**

> this oneshot came to me after watching vocal unit's performance of the vampire version of don't listen in secret (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5SJI8aSSsg) i couldn't get it out of my head so i decided to finally write it! it was a nice break from my other fic. i hope you enjoy my first seventeen fic!

Jeonghan doesn't even remember how they met. It's been so long. Decades. Yet, the face of the man who stole his heart and broke it at a mere twenty years old remains. He's etched that face into his memory, determined to never forget it ㅡ never forget  _ him. _

It's got him through tough times. It brings melancholy and desperation, remembering does, but Jeonghan wouldn't have it any other way. What was done had to be and as much as it hurts ㅡ and it hurts unlike anything Jeonghan has experienced ㅡ he understands that it was necessary. 

He still can recall that fateful night. Some of their last moments are shrouded in anger, fear, and frustration. Jeonghan had told him his most kept secret, told him they couldn't be together anymore, that continuing their love story would just be tragic. Even beginning their entanglement was wrong in the first place but Jeonghan was weak for those deep, chocolate brown eyes. He couldn't resist approaching.

However, when he finally arose to the surface after drowning in a sickly sweet liquid, he realized what mistake he had made. When all the fog of lust and carelessness had faded, Jeonghan at once breathed in clarity. He was poison to this boy. He was only going to cause pain and heartbreak and while his own would be shattered in the process, Jeonghan had to let him go. Holding on wasn't an option. 

The boy had absentmindedly thrown out another idea of "turn me", but Jeonghan refused. Jeonghan couldn't imagine bringing another soul into the monotony that was the life he had been living for centuries now. He had done it once and that was surely enough. As much as he adored the boy, he couldn't and  _ wouldn't  _ do that. He, too, wanted to spend his eternity with the smiley brunette. But the boy had his whole life ahead of him. He would find a  _ true _ lover, have children, settle down, and live life like it was intended. He didn't need to be chained to this earth with nothing but sorrow and pain. He deserved better. 

Jeonghan will always remember the way the boy's face fell at the realization that Jeonghan wouldn't let them spend forever together. He had screamed that it wasn't Jeonghan's position to make decisions for him. He claimed he understood what he would be getting himself into, but Jeonghan knew he didn't. Jeonghan still doesn't know, and it has been eight hundred years since he was alive. 

The boy stumbled out of Jeonghan's mansion, the one that Jeonghan immediately abandoned after the separation, with tears streaming down his perfect face. Jeonghan wished he could have cried but emotions meant nothing to someone who had forever to look forward to. Jeonghan had calmly closed the door, of which had been left open in wake of the boy running off, and sat down to collect his thoughts. 

There was no way what he had to do was going to be easy. He never wanted to hurt the other. It was the first time in his life, undead included, that Jeonghan thought he had at last found the one ㅡ his soulmate. They clicked and everyday had Jeonghan actually anticipating the next. He wasn't just a fling that satiated his hunger, he was way more to Jeonghan. He had never told a human his secret and it had been a while since Jeonghan felt the feeling of hatred for who he was bubbling in his stomach. Jeonghan hated that he couldn't be with the boy. He hated that he had to give the very thing that he wanted to keep up. He hated that, eventually, the boy would forget him. He would forget their moments together that had made Jeonghan feel again. He would forget the long, languid kisses made under the satin sheets in the early morning or the short, frenzied pecks used as attack tactics during their pillow fights. He would forget their talks, their laughs, their tears, their sheer happiness. And it wasn't fair. They were only allotted six months! They deserved much more. 

Jeonghan would never forget. He would never love again. He would wander this dark, cold dirt, until his time to fade away, without a companion. His first heartbreak was the worst and it was a sure sign that woke him up from the thoughts that he could be happy, that he could live normally. 

After reminiscing of their memories, because that's what they were now, Jeonghan had packed a few items and disappeared into the night. He despised he didn't get a proper goodbye, one last kiss, but he knew it would make it harder. Seeing the boy's face again might have him crumbling and sinking his fangs into the honey skin before his mind could form a second thought. No, he had to leave now and never return. He had to set him free. 

Where he would go didn't matter. His one true home had been in the other's arms. He could care less where his feet took him. All he wanted to do was follow the path his heart had burned into its blood ㅡ the path that led him back to comfort, joy, and belonging. He knew better. He ignored the pull that was roaring at him to turn back around! Run, find him, and never let go! He tossed those thoughts away and made for the nearest train station. 

The boy would appear at the mansion the next day with an unspoken apology only to find the home empty. All that was left was a note, handwriting awfully familiar, and a record. The boy had cried, unable to bring himself to read the letter when his hands trembled so much and teardrops threatened to drown the paper, washing away the words he knew they already said. 

_ Dear my sweetest, Seungcheol,  _

_ I hate to do this. I have always hated it. That is precisely why I should not have initiated a relationship to begin with. I knew one day I would have to sever our ties and move on. Yet, I do not regret a single moment, my love. You have given me a gift that makes me feel as though my dead heart can still beat. I will always remember you in the best light despite the unfortunate circumstances that force us to part. Seungcheol, please do not hate me. Please do not hate yourself. I know it is better for you to forget me, forget us, and that is quite fine. If moving on for you is forgetting me, darling, go ahead. I would never wish harm upon you and I know how painful this will be for you. You have to know that I am doing this for you. You may not understand at the present but one day you will realize it was better for us to go our separate ways. Do not fret your pretty mind over me. I cannot lie and say I will be alright, but I have eternity to deal with that. I would not wish that for you, dear. That is why I have left. Cry about it for a bit and move on, I beg. Find someone who can give you a better life. I will forever think of you. I will ensure your protection. I will make sure you are well taken care of. If you cannot bring yourself to remember our times, don't worry, I will hold them dear to my heart and never let them perish. I hope you can forgive me one day. Left with this note is a record of a song. It is our song. I made it for you. I had hoped to present it in person but life does not always go as planned. I wish for you to listen to it. You may be sad at first but, hopefully with time, you will learn to smile at it instead. Do not be afraid to cry, though, sad songs are like that.. Do not listen to it in secret. Share it, make it your own. Swoon another lover with it, sing your baby to sleep. It is yours, dearest Cheol. It is the only gift I can give now. _

_ I love you, forever and forevermore.  _

_ Yours Truly, Jeonghan _

A piece of him broke that day and Seungcheol never got it back. 

Jeonghan kept his promise. He made sure that Seungcheol was taken care of, entrusting this very important mission with a friend, Joshua. Shua had informed him of the basics, as Jeonghan didn't desire to know much. It would hurt even more, the knife would dig even further. 

When he received that god-forsaken letter in the mail that Tuesday afternoon, the world stopped. It had been months since Joshua had last penned him of Seungcheol's whereabouts and happenings. He had been informed that he was sickly now and while it had made sense as Seungcheol was nearing eighty years old, Jeonghan's heart still dropped. He had been more anxious for an update, regularly seeking the mailman, even going as far as to intercept the letters before it even left the postal office. 

And here it was. In his shaking hands. Detailing that the love of his life and the next life and life after that had quietly passed away due to old age a few days ago. Joshua had told him that the last words on his dying lips had been "Where's Hannie?" and Jeonghan couldn't hold it in then. The flood gates opened and Jeonghan had been inconsolable. 

Joshua had left funeral details at the bottom of the letter, wishing him well, a promise to visit soon. Jeonghan had grappled with his decision of whether to attend or not. Joshua had quietly observed Seungcheol for the past five decades and told Jeonghan that he never truly was the same boy as before. He had enrolled in college, earned a degree, founded a small but successful business, married a woman whom Joshua was sure just for business motives (Jeonghan had dismissed this though, Cheol wasn't like that), had two children, retired at sixty-five, and now had passed at seventy-six. Yet, despite his seemingly perfect life, Joshua had written he was closed off. Seungcheol hadn't socialized much beyond what was necessary for his business and while he was a phenomenal father, he lived more of a hermit than anything else. He never got over his first love. Eventually, he and his wife got a divorce. He spent his last days in solitude, all alone. Jeonghan tried to ignore this, it just cemented what he already knew ㅡ that he had ruined Seungcheol's life before it really began. 

He owed it to him though to end it properly. That's why he found himself in that tiny town once more, the town that he had vehemently refused to step into ever again, staring at the picture of the man he could only vaguely recognize. But here he was. Against his better judgment, he was standing in the back of that church, trying his hardest not to lock eyes with anyone.

The service had started a few minutes prior and Jeonghan had snuck in at the last possible moment, taking the last pew. There was a large turnout and it warmed Jeonghan's heart. Seungcheol always deserved the most love. In their short time, he had learned that Seungcheol  _ loved _ praises and compliments. He was essentially an overgrown puppy that was vying for his owner's attention. It was mainly why most of their time spent together was in the mansion, lounging around together all wrapped up in limbs and blankets. 

The pastor gave a short sermon, a young woman sang Amazing Grace, and a few family members gave short anecdotes and speeches. The closing eulogy was to be given by Seungcheol's daughter, Hana. The woman cloaked in black stepped up to the podium, tissue in hand to wipe at her damp makeup. The room had been filled with sniffles throughout the entire funeral but seeing his daughter near sobs was suffocating. As she progressed through her words, Jeonghan sat silently. Part of him felt wrong for being there. As if Seungcheol would arise from his casket to rain hell on Jeonghan for leaving him all alone. He was the cause for his first heartbreak, what right did he have to be there? He was about to leave when the daughter's words finally reached his ears. 

"Now, we'll have Miss Kim play Father's favorite song. Since I was born, my father has always played this song. Whether it be at night to sleep to, during the evening as he read, during work, in the morning, it didn't matter. He listened to it religiously that the old record is almost unplayable. We couldn't ever figure out what the title was or who originally sang it, Daddy never told anybody. I still have memories of him holding me tight after a nightmare and mumbling this melody to soothe me. We thought it was only right to set him off with it one more time." With that, she was stepping down and the, oh so, familiar tune of  _ their _ song fluttered throughout the church, stopping Jeonghan in his tracks.

After a few minutes, the family filtered out of the church to prepare for the gravesite. The others attending also began to leave, but Jeonghan couldn't move.  _ Their  _ song. He never forgot them. 

"Say, young man, have we met before?" A voice rang out, snapping Jeonghan from his trance. The church was almost empty but Jeonghan hadn't noticed. His eyes were stuck on Seungcheol's casket and ears glued to the melody that he had spent years crafting. It hadn't felt right until he met Cheol. The lyrics poured out after their first kiss and Jeonghan had wished he had been able to sing it for him live. Another regret on his ever growing list. 

The voice belonged to an older man. He didn't immediately recognize him but Jeonghan figured he was an elder in the town who perhaps might remember the years when Jeonghan had lived here in the mansion on the outskirts. Joshua had told him it had stayed abandoned until Seungcheol bought it. It had been the man's first purchase after college when his business had boomed. Seungcheol would visit sometimes but it largely was left untouched. It had been willed to a local orphanage to move into. 

"I don't believe so." Jeonghan responded instead. Lying was his forte. Hell, he had lied to Cheol for months before telling him the truth. Another regret. 

"Oh, well, you looked familiar." The man rasped and Jeonghan politely smiled. He was hoping the man would leave him alone so he could say his final goodbyes. 

He was unlucky, "Did you know Seungcheol?" 

_ 'Do you want the truth?'  _ Jeonghan thought but decided against it. He would never return here. It would be a forbidden spot on his map. He didn't have a reason anymore, and Joshua was freed now of his burden. Shua had written that he always wanted to visit Paris so maybe that's where they'd go. 

"An old friend." Jeonghan murmured. He wanted to leave it at that and with a strike of fate, the man's son came over to take him away. 

"Have a good day, Sir." Jeonghan bowed even though he was much older than the man. He had seen far more and would continue to. He still had his angelic face that didn't age. It was difficult to see the photo of Seungcheol, much older, without the jovial features Jeonghan knew him as. Yet, Jeonghan couldn't help thinking he still looked beautiful, he was still the most handsome man in the room. 

A single tear crept down his smooth skin. 

"I love you, forever and forevermore." 

He wiped it and walked out. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i actually wrote an angsty fic with no comfort or fluff??? i didn't know i had it in me hhh. some might say that jeonghan is a hypocrite and shouldn't have made the executive decision on his own when it affected seungcheol as well, and i agree he shouldn't have done that, but jeonghan loves cheol so much that he honestly feels like it was the right thing. jeonghan doesn't know or understand love as cheol is his first so he made mistakes of course. shua really is the best boy though for watching over cheollie for han! he's the mvp in this fic. comments, questions, and feedback are gladly welcomed!!! thank you for reading this lil baby of mine.


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